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siobhan, and only that [userpic]

I'm going to write a real entry soon

August 23rd, 2008 (09:55 pm)

taken from lahermite

So, dandelionseason, your LiveJournal reveals...

You are... 17% unique (blame, for example, your interest in your right to disagree) and 10% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy writing). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are keen to please. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 52

(The average level of weirdness is: 27.
You are weirder than 90% of other LJers.)

Find out what your weirdness level is!

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

August 2nd, 2008 (05:07 pm)

saturday morning in CV
wake up at six thirty
the air lingering
with woodsmoke
cold for late june
i can
see my breath rise
in small clouds by the open window
open my mouth for
the cool air
cherries dropping outside
sinking into wet red muck
I hear robins fluttering the leaves
i like the early morning feeling
of waking up vulnerable and
untouched by the day, just yet

i leave on the 18th! holy shiiiiit. Montreal seems very scary and far away

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

July 7th, 2008 (06:14 am)

My parents are moving, so all of the things that have been collected over the years (and there are many, many things) are being torn from their hiding places and considered for sale/giving/abandonment. Yesterday, mum asked me to go through the piles of old school stuff they have for us, so I sat down and started reading through old report cards (I can't just look and say "Ok, don't need a report card from grade three" I have to read the whole report card first, then it can go to recycling.) In a lot of elementary school, and most of highschool, I was a notoriously bad listener. I honestly didn't care for the subjects being taught, so I thought about things that interested me. Which, as a kid, was "Fantasy Land" a place my friends and I had made up (I say this nonchalantly, but it was a big deal back then), and in Highschool was Angel and Ophie letters between missingiris and I. So as I was reading report cards, I was kind of laughing "Doesn't pay sufficient attention in class." "Homework impeeded by out-of-school activities." Yeah, sounds like me, and I'm still getting As in English, SS, Art and Drama...it's just Math and Science I suck at. At the same time I was looking at old pictures and thinking "Why did I think I was so fat and ugly? I wasn't fat and ugly!"

Then I came across my grade nine report card, and went through the comments section from my teachers, I found out two things:
1. In grad 9, I got an A in gym class at 91%
2. My P.E. teacher wrote on my report card that my body impeded my participation in class.

From her comment, it sounded like I was failing, but clearly this was not the case. The truth is, when I was younger and no one had told me to  be ashamed of my body, I used to be a runner. I competed in (and my team came second in one year) the cross-district tri-k. I loved to run, it was nice, it felt good, got me places. I actually played on my school's basketball team as well. And then I hit the beginning of puberty and at the same time as I started to grow breasts, someone told me for the first time that I was fat and ugly. And running died, and sports died, and I started to do the only thing I knew how to do to cope with being so hideous and awful, which was slowly withdrawing into myself.

I realize now that I really saw my body as paradoxically distorted as my gym teacher did. On one hand, it was clearly not impeding me in doing things I loved (including getting fresh air and exercise!) but because it was fat, I believed that it was inherently wrong and hurting me.  So even though there was evidence there that I was doing well, not really that hated at all, not horribly disgusting, I still saw only what people had always told me was the problem: being fat.

I really want to go back and shake myself until I come to my senses- my behavior these days is still dysfunctional, but I'm trying to figure that out with some help. I just wish I had learned sooner that what I was feeling about myself was NOT the truth. 

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

June 23rd, 2008 (06:13 pm)

1. My username is _____ because ____

It is dandelionseason... because I love dandelions- they are beautiful, you can eat their leaves and make coffee from their roots.

2. My name is _____ because ______.

Siobhan (pronounced Shavaughn)...because my parents, like me, are not satisfied with generic names (totally a lie, one of my favorite names- Ruth- is totally generic!) and because they knew how fun it would be to have to repeat the pronunciation about once a month to understandably confused people who don't know that "Si" is "Sh", "ob" is "vuh" in Gaelic. They wanted to name me Ariel (After the Tempest by Shakespeare) but were glad they didn't when the Little Mermaid came out four years later. I still don't know why my middle name is Caitlin. My last names are my parents names (mum kept hers when they got married.)

3. My journal is titled ____ because ____.

"I closed my eyes and the water rose up over my shoulders and rushed into my ears" because I like the echo-y half-silence of being underwater, especially in the middle of a hot summer...I find it very comforting.

4. My friends page is called ____ because ____.

"lovin' every minute with this damn crew" which is a Royal Tenenbaums reference. also considered "people say friends don't destroy one another, what do they know about friends?" which is from a Mountain Goats song, but it seemed kind of confrontational.

5. My default userpic is ____ because ____.

Me and Riley, our pup. Because I love the crawly little mutt way more than most people, because he cuddles up to me like a kid when he sleeps, and he gets irritated like a person does, play fights and when he does snap, the minute his teeth get near your skin, it turns into a lick instead. damn good dog.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

June 22nd, 2008 (10:32 pm)

I would really like this to be the summer I figure out how to be happy with my body.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

Furthur Proof that the Conservative Government is a really, really bad idea...

June 17th, 2008 (06:45 am)

..and if we are going to continue to participate in this farcical exercise we have been calling democracy, we could at least choose a party that isn't going to systematically destroy, piece by piece, both the planet and its people. (Though I doubt such a group of humans exists)


Lakes across Canada face being turned into mine dump sites

Lakes are in B.C., Manitoba, Newfoundland and Labrador, Northwest Territories and Nunavut

By Terry Milewski, CBC News

Bush pilot Doug Beaumont and environmentalist Jim Bourquin fish on Kluela Lake, downstream from the planned dump site for the Red Chris gold and copper mining project in northwestern B.C.

CBC News has learned that 16 Canadian lakes are slated to be officially but quietly "reclassified" as toxic dump sites for mines. The lakes include prime wilderness fishing lakes from B.C. to Newfoundland.

Environmentalists say the process amounts to a "hidden subsidy" to mining companies, allowing them to get around laws against the destruction of fish habitat.

Under the Fisheries Act, it's illegal to put harmful substances into fish-bearing waters. But, under a little-known subsection known as Schedule Two of the mining effluent regulations, federal bureaucrats can redefine lakes as "tailings impoundment areas."

That means mining companies don't need to build containment ponds for toxic mine tailings.

(Emphasis mine)
Rest of the article is here.

This is absolutely disgusting.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

May 25th, 2008 (02:48 pm)

I think the cats have been eating some sort of plant that puts them momentarily in touch with their wild ancestry/genes. Three times in the past two days they have savagely, viciously attacked the dog. The first was yesterday, out on the porch with mum and dad. Apparently (I was on the front porch) they suddenly leapt at him, clawing, hissing, attacking. I ran out as dad was seperating them, and grabbed Switch, pushed Gwin inside and...they returned to normal cats. I figured he had rolled in a place where a tomcat had sprayed, so Dad hosed Riley off, but the moment they saw him, they growled and advanced and attacked.  So into the bathtub Riley went, to emerge smelling like sage and basil a few minutes later. Everything seemed fine, until today when I was sitting at the table on the back deck dialing  missingiris (hello, you have not called me back yet!) and pushed mum's ashtray across the table, scaring Gwin and causing her to run into Riley. She began to grow and I stopped dialing and jumped up just as they attacked him- both cats like little demons going for either end of Riley, fighting like they had suddenly realized they were felines and he was canine and historically, naturally, they were not supposed to be friends. Like their brains switched from domesticated to wild (I felt kind of proud of them, except Riley is clearly terrified and so I feel horrible at the same time) If he was any smaller or less hairy of a dog, he would probably be fairly scratched up by now. I yelled for my dad and pulled/pushed them apart using the phone, until I managed to push Gwin off and get Riley down the stairs- then I grabbed the big broom and held them off, eventually corralling them into Anya's old room upstairs. Now, they are fine again...besides some initial hissing and fur fluffing (especially Switchie, who has brain damage from when her idiot previous owner gave her dog flea medication as a kitten) they have calmed down- I'm sitting on the couch in the living room with them right now, Gwin on the window sill sleeping and Riley on the couch. Neither is making any fuss or noise or anything...so who knows.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

May 18th, 2008 (11:01 pm)

1. Go to photobucket.com.
2. Type in your answer for each question into the PhotoBucket search bar.
3. Only use the first two pages. Choose your favorite photo to represent your answer.
4. Copy the html and paste it here.
5. You can only answer in picture form.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

May 18th, 2008 (10:02 pm)

I am dreaming about bears again! I haven't had a bear dream since I was about..thirteen? But I dreamed about Chelsea and I being detectives/ghost hunters, and as we were entering a haunted house, my dream flashed forward to me driving around a city with Erin, and as we are squeezing through construction block-offs, we pass this scraggily, sad looking bear with matted fur and bandaids stuck to it, and I flash back (in the dream) to my other bears, and how they were clean and healthy, and this one is sad and sick. I don;t know what it means, but if they're coming back to me looking like this, I'm a little apprehensive. They used to try to get me to do things, and now they just seem to be resigned to my actions.

siobhan, and only that [userpic]

(no subject)

April 30th, 2008 (11:09 am)

I had a dream last night that my friend Cate and I were sleeping on the ground on the edge of the forest, each with our own sleeping bag and then one shared blanket overtop of us. Seymour was there too, in her cage beside me. I woke up as a shrew came out of the forest and climbed into my sleeping bag. I told it not to, but that it could crawl under the shared blanket if it wanted. It sat up and asked me a question that I don't remember, only that it had something to do with my future plans. I answered but again, I don't remember, only that it was important and the shrew seemed satisfied with the answer. Then it crawled up Seymour's cage and through the bars in the top, hanging by its tail near her face (she was in a hammock). Seymour was obviously distressed- I could feel it even though my back was turned, and I knew what had happened. I turned over and got angry at the shrew, but it told me it didn't matter if Seymour was upset. Its personality had changed, and it seemed like more trickster than kind now. I banged the palm of my hand on the top of the cage, and it fell through the bars on the other side. Then I woke up.

I looked the different aspects up:

Waking Up

If you dream of waking up while still dreaming, you have a creative nature and are open to new ideas.

Sleeping Bag

To see a sleeping bag in your dream, represents warmth and protection. You are expressing a desire to slowly explore the realm of your unconscious.


Dreams about rodents foretells trouble through active but hidden jealousy. The exception is if the rodent was white - that means you will be protected by friendly forces. If you heard rodents gnawing but didn't actually see them, the dream is a warning that you are wasting your time in meaningless pursuits.

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